Don’t Stop Believin’

Journey. 1981. Granted, two years prior to my entrance into this world, but a song that evokes memories of love, life and laughter, albeit without truly grasping the meaning of the song. At least, to me.

Now, over 40 years following that song release, and copious times warbled on karaoke, I find myself returning to it, in the most profound way.

Just a small town girl
Livin' in a lonely world

I thought I was the kind of small town girl, that would eventually make it in the big wide world, but somehow, well, it didn’t quite happen.

It wasn’t through lack of trying, jeez, I couldn’t have tried in life more than I have. It was the fear, the unknown, future’s uncertainty. I think.

But, something changed…

As I sat in my first online session with my peers from Central Saint Martins, I realised, that the time was now. I’ve experience the imposter syndrome more times than I can recall, but this week I really felt it. I thought about how others in the virtual room must feel, looking upon the 29 faces with curiosity. There was no doubt, I felt excited about undertaking my MA, proud of being one of the chosen few, but equally, filled with self doubt and mounting questions in my ability to complete the course successfully.

I’m not particularly great with sitting through lectures, conversing with strangers and the like. That’s putting it mildly, but I enjoyed the inaugral session. It felt, right. It felt like my journey was about to begin, and I no longer felt the angst of regret. I felt that my experiences, whether success or failures, were the making of me, and the catalsyt in my being here. I won’t stop believin’.